A New Me

Having been back at university for just over a week now, a few of my friends have said to me how much I have changed for the better, which has got me questioning who I was in second year and who I am now? This inspired me to write a blog to reflect upon the second year me and the ‘new’ me and how dealing with the day-to-day qualms, academic pressures and societal expectations can help you see the light at the end of the tunnel, so here goes…

Thinking about my second year at university, it was great! I had so many friends, I joined the kickboxing society with my 2 house mates. I loved my room because it was huge, in the attic and homely with a forest green rug in the middle of my floor, a huge business desk for me to do all of my work on, my boyfriend and I were strong, I had a great network of friends - I was set up. But, when I really think back to who I was two years ago, I was a worrier; I worried about the smallest of things. I would stress about things not being perfect, my grades were not up to where I wanted them to be. All of my friends around me were excelling at university and I felt stuck in an academic rut. Back then, I saw life all about education. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t go out because of course I did, I love being sociable and being with my friends. But, I would feel huge amounts of guilt if I wasn’t working. I think being a high achieving student at secondary school set me back slightly when I came to university. I thought I would excel and continue to be at the top of the marking criteria at university, but in reality, it’s not like that for everyone! Not everyone can be at the top and achieve firsts because the whole educational process would be pointless. I realised that there are so many more people in the world who are just as good or a lot better at things than me and it was hard to deal with at certain times. Recognising that I expected a lot from various different situations, relationships and myself, I seemed to create an idealistic world in my mind. But, in reality it makes you feel a lot worse and caused me to worry a lot more because I wasn’t living up to the expectations.

However, now being a fourth-year student, after coming out of a year in industry, I have realised that life isn’t all about education and it feels great! The pressures of education, I feel, really got to me in both first and second year at university because I hadn’t experienced the ‘real world’ - I still had the unnecessary pressures and expectations from the educational scheme on my shoulders! Of course, I still strive to do well and be the best I can, but it’s not all about the marks (although, it slightly is because you need them to do well), and it’s not all about being the best, because actually it’s about being you. Strive to do the best you can to achieve the things in life you aim to complete.

Through this reflection, I’ve realised that I felt trapped in my second year, and my year in industry was a trigger for me to get out of it. I’m not saying I still don’t worry about my grades or that I don’t worry at all because that wouldn’t be true! University is hard and it is supposed to challenge and push you to your limits (which it certainly does). It’s recognising as well that actually it’s okay to go out and socialise and it’s okay to go to the gym without feeling guilty.

Dealing with those bad experiences of academic pressures and the general day-to-day qualms have equipped me to realise that life isn’t all about education and it is about trying new things and chasing your dreams. It’s about going out there and being ‘you’. If you work hard, you can play just as hard, so it’s time to get a diary and plan your time out well so you can organise yourself and deal with societal pressures day by day.

Kristina x