Do you believe everything you see on social media? Do you trust and believe the emotions, feelings, energy, arrangement, aesthetics, clothes, setting, lighting and even the friendships and relationships you see online? I don't think we should take everything at face value. This modern virtual life that we see every day on social media seems to be blurring the line between what is truly real and what is simulated. The constant stream of images we see on a daily basis is quite possibly disconnecting us from ‘living in the moment’. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy taking photos (capturing the mems) and I love sharing them online, so I’m not saying we shouldn’t. But I feel that social media can knock my confidence, self-esteem and mental health, which especially doesn't help when you are in a vulnerable mind-set or going through a hard time. So, this blog shares my journey on building a brighter relationship with social media.
HIGHLIGHTS
Social media is practically a place full of everyone’s 'best bits'. The feed nowadays is full of people in their best clothes, best angles, top lighting, great makeup and hair looking all pretty, while I'm tucked up in bed with no make-up on, in my pyjamas and feeling a bit insecure. Scrolling through social media for hours on end is quite damaging when we are constantly consuming everyone else's seemingly 'perfect' lives. But, do we ever stop for a minute to take time and digest these images and videos and realise there is always more to the story behind the screen?
I chose this picture above because it is a photo I posted on my Instagram a few months ago. I remember so vividly how I was feeling and where I was at that moment in my life. It was one of the first nights out in London since moving there and I imagine what you’re thinking is that I was super happy, on top of the world, enjoying my wine and loving life! BUT what you probably don't know is that the wine was terrible and I had recently just gone through a break-up – I was hurting. Don't get me wrong in this moment, I was having the best night and was super happy with all of my friends. BUT the point I want to make is that an image only truly reflects one message and not the entire story. So, what I want to expose is that we shouldn’t get lost and fall for the Instagram stories all of the time because we should remember that everyone is living a life behind their screens on a daily basis. I think it’s good to share your happy moments and document memories as long as we all are taking the necessary reality checks.
Another good thing with highlights is that they can often inspire. I love to use other people’s posts and stories to inspire my own experiences, nights out, gym workouts, styles or restaurants, encouraging me to try new things and explore a little. Google doesn’t always reveal the secret, 'cool' places to try in London.
EDITING PICTURES
Getting the right photo is one thing and getting the right edit is another. I think nowadays most photos have a little extra exposure or saturation booster to brighten up the photo - let’s be honest. Personally, I find editing my pictures quite enjoyable. However, there are different extremes to editing pictures, which some could say it's like art and design, while others could say its morphing bodies to look like others and quite possibly becoming someone they are not. My friend showed me the power of an app that could morph my body, so to show me what it could do, she gave me lip fillers and a nose job (see below).
REAL (left) VS. FAKE (right)
I was shocked that an app on my phone could do just that ^ and make me look like I genuinely had some kind of treatment, when I quite clearly haven't. It made me realise that I shouldn’t believe everything I see with regard to body image and appearance. I’m not saying everyone is using this app to morph their bodies, however it made me realise how easy it was to completely transform features of mine or remove certain things I might not have liked or feel conscious of. I’m not saying this is a new thing because we all know that the magazines and posters etc from way back when edited and airbrushed bodies and landscapes. But, this type of edit is so accessible and right at our fingertips makes me question, how many people do morph and craft their photos? Should we believe everything we see?
How many times do you compare yourself to the ‘perfect’ or ‘instagrammable’ version of reality? Do you class this 'instagrammable' version as perfect? How can we say it's 'perfect' when it might not even be real. We are then looking up to an unattainable, unreal version of reality. Most images on my feed nowadays are staged, practiced versions of reality and something we can easily fall for and believe as true representations. It’s natural as individuals to sometimes compare ourselves to others. But, it's not fair to compare ourselves against this constant stream of images and videos of different 'instagrammable' versions of lifestyle and body images.
Another way of thinking about social media, is that it is a way of branding us as individuals and building an online presence. I personally think each and everyone of our social media accounts are brands of ourselves, so we should be able to choose how we want to represent our identity. Therefore, instead of comparing or falling into the trap of feeling like I have not succeeded because I do not fit this other, more superior version of society, try to focus on YOUR BRAND. I've been trying to learn what I stand for as a person, my worth and my self-belief. Listening to podcasts on self-love or reading a positive, inspiring quote when I am feeling fragile is what helps me when my confidence is knocked during this repetitive process of scrolling through pictures and videos of other people’s best versions of themselves. Looking at what I post on social media and the messages I want to share with everyone is important too. We should all be able to feel happy and not shy of ‘not getting the right, jokey caption’ because at the end of the day we are who we are and essentially our profiles mimic that.
SCREEN TIME
Apple has released their new screen time feature (there are apps out there as well), which is slightly horrifying and amazing at the same time. After looking at my screen time report, I was so disappointed in discovering the amount of time I spend on my phone. Before I had screen time my weekly total was around 20 hours, with Instagram being my most used app. This really made me aware of how much time I was spending on my phone and made me question 'what am I actually doing on it?', 'Am I learning anything, making myself better?'. I then thought about what I am thinking when I spend nearly 10 hours on Instragram a week. In fact, it made me realise that I am spending hours living vicariously through other people’s stories and highlights, comparing myself to others and making me feel quite inferior and dissatisfied. However, now I have set a screen time limit for social media of 1 hour a day, it’s the best thing I have done! I can feel that my mental strength is so much healthier, I feel more positive in the day and motivated. Also, it’s really made me think about the content I am digesting day in and day out. A lot of it was dry and boring. So, I believe it’s important to check who you are following and exposing yourself to on a daily basis. Is the content opening my mind up to other people, new experiences, styles and characters? If it’s not, we should re-evaluate our feed and figure out what we want to learn and see. Re-evaluating the content I expose myself to makes me feel like I haven’t wasted those precious hours and important minutes of the day, instead I am feeling inspired and learning from other people around the world from all different cultures. Social media can, therefore, have a positive impact on us if we are using it in a healthy manner and not taking everything at face value.
TIPS for having a brighter relationship with social media:
No phone in the bedroom policy (admittedly, this is something I am finding hard and will take time to change, but I'm getting there). We are most fragile in the morning and evening so take some time for yourself to figure out your goals and to reflect on the day. If you use your phone as an alarm, either have the will power not to go on it, leave it over the other side of the room (not under your pillow) or buy yourself an alarm clock.
Share the profile that you represent: your morals, efforts, voice and what you enjoy doing.
Be aware of what you are thinking when you are scrolling through social media.
Remember it’s not necessarily a hobby! There is a lot out there in the world to experience and learn for yourselves and not through other people’s Instagram stories, like sport, meditation, reading etc!
Monitor your following and the content you are exposed to.
If you are actively stalking/ searching for people in particular, hold up, take a step back and be careful. Think about what you are actually doing and your thought processes behind this ‘stalker’ mode.
Remember to work on yourself as a brand, finding your own confidence and self-love that doesn’t necessarily have to be shared with everyone!
Give yourself time for you and be patient with growing your brighter relationship with social media, it might be a small or big change to use screen time but I’m sure you will feel more positive over time.
I hope this blog has helped in opening up your ideas in not believing everything we see on social media nowadays because we have to remember a lot of content is paid for, edited and shaped! Don’t forget there is an important side to social media, building your brand and learning from others. I personally find social media a really interesting topic to explore and would love to hear your own thoughts by dropping comments on my blog, Instagram post or my Facebook page – https://www.facebook.com/kristinalawx/.
**this blog post is not suggesting that I will never edit my images again or that I don’t agree with people editing their work, I am simply saying we should question what we are seeing on a daily basis.
Kristina x